"Let me put on my lingo hat here..."

This morning, I attended the Outlook Calendar training session at YSN. It was two hours, which was insane to begin with. Things weren't helped by the fact that I'd used Outlook Calendar at my old job, though only as a personal meeting tool and not as a departmental or school wide thing.

The trainer chick was dressed in a stunning, 80s style ensemble. She enjoyed using air quotes, and the phrases "best practice" and "lingo hat." She was totally drunk on the Microsoft Kool Aid. Seriously, the whole thing was a sight to behold just because of her -- I'd been told those types of Microsoft worshipper/cult members existed, but I'd never really seen one in action.

I did learn some valuable things during the training, since I'd used the 2003 edition, and the version we're getting is 2007. But here are other things she told us during the session (please imagine her saying these things to me and my colleagues, and anything in quotes is air quotes):

• If you position your mouse pointer on the line between two categories at the top of a window, you can move it to reveal more information, or less!
• If you put your mouse pointer over a little picture, or "icon," and stay there, or "hover," your mouse pointer turns into a little hand, and a short "tag" pops up, indicating a short cut, or easier way to accomplish the task you'd like to do.
• Did you know that when something is bold in your inbox, that means its unread?
• The new buzzword is "ribbon" -- that's what everyone is just screaming about with Outlook 2007!!
• Doesn't everyone just love the new Office button!?

Seriously, these are the things she said to us. It was like she had assumed that we were completely new to all things Outlook, Microsoft, and electronic. I thought she was going to go through how to open Outlook and write a freaking email.

The training also exposed some absolutely ridiculous flaws in Calender, like how it will put the meeting on your personal calendar even before you've accepted or declined it. The number of emails sent when someone sends, accepts or declines an appointment on your behalf is insane. The delegation permissions aren't really clear at this point, so most of the admin staff is freaking out. The Dean thinks the whole things is incredibly stupid and a waste of time, since she (and the rest of us) are already up to our necks in email, and this is just going to generate more email. Not to mention the time it will take for all of us to get used to actually using it.

In all, a morning full of ridiculous people, stupid programs, and Microsoft. A winning combination.