Upon hearing that Gordon Ramsay was in a water buffalo related car crash, I started to think about the overabundance of chef shows on TV. Not cooking shows, more of the best chef variety. (And by overabundance, I mean three.) They each differ in endgame, but they have the same purpose: who is the best chef? But, which is the best of the "best chef" shows?
Hell's Kitchen (Fox) -- Hosted by Gordon Ramsay (ginormous asshat), this show has 12 "chefs" compete to be Head Chef at Ramsay's new Italian restaurant (and spa?) in Las Vegas. The 12 "chefs" aren't all professionally trained, or even doing anything that resembles cooking. There are a few sous chefs in there, and an executive chef or two, but there is also a retirement home chef, a nanny/personal chef, a grill cook (think Friday's), a short-order cook (think Waffle House), and a night club "chef." The night club "chef" is from Milltown, NJ, which is totally the night club capital of the Eastern Seaboard. Or, you know, not. People in New Jersey (or anywhere, for that matter) don't go to night clubs for the food, they go to dance, get drunk, and hook-up with someone they'll regret in the morning. While these things alone could be a reason to watch the show, the real hook is Gordon Ramsay. Ramsay is famous for berating his chefs and swearing up a storm. Hell's Kitchen isn't a show of culinary skill or even interesting characters (most of the contestants, despite their relative inexperience and immaturity, are about as interesting to watch as a lecture on tax policy); it's about watching people get chomped by the giant scene chewing jaws of Gordon Ramsay. This is not a chef show, it doesn't count, and it barely counts as good entertainment. I'm kind of sorry that the water buffalo didn't EAT Ramsay when it had the chance.
Top Chef (Bravo) -- Two years ago, Bravo almost singlehandedly reinvented the reality competition (non-music) genre with Project Runway. After a season of that, they branched out into food, with Top Chef. Season 3, which starts tomorrow, takes place in Miami and will feature 15 actual real chefs of varying experience competing for...stuff. Since Bravo's website is a little lame (well, a lot lame), I can't seem to find out what they're competing for this season. Is Food and Wine magazine back as a sponsor? I can't tell. Most likely, they'll be competing for a feature in a swanky food themed magazine, an appearance at a swanky and perhaps important food event/weekend, and $100,000 to "jumpstart their culinary career." The focus of this show is (mostly) on the cooking, and the addition of Ted of Queer Eye Fame as a judge will cancel out either Padma (boring, "pretty" host) or Tom Colicchio (bald asshat head judge). Though I despised last season with a passion (love you Marcel!!), I'm a slave to Bravo's reality programming. I'm hoping this season will be more about the cooking and the competition and less about the abhorrent attitudes of the self-important contestants. To read recaps of season's one and two of Top Chef, go to www.televisionwithoutpity.com, where Keckler recounts the awesomeness and asshattery in fine form.
Next Food Network Star (Food Network) -- A diamond among lumps of coal, NFNS is pretty great. 11 finalists, some professional chefs, some self-taught, all compete for their own Food Network show. The season two winner, Guy Fieri, has had two shows already, both pretty awesome. The challenges are actually related to what they're going to be doing. "Here, cook in front of a camera, tag-team style!" "Create an attractive looking grill dish for the cover of Bon Appetit, and sell it to the judges without sounding like a blithering idiot." Poise, control, likability, and actual cooking skill. The show itself does focus somewhat on the interpersonal relationships of the characters, but not too much. The judging is competent and understandable, and none of the judges interfere with what the contestants are doing (I'm looking at you, Colicchio). Give it a try if you're not fond of the drama of Top Chef and the non-cooking and irrelevance of Hell's Kitchen.
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